Looking Back

As the year 2013 draws to an end in 1 1/2 day time, I reflect on all the things that had happened.
Ups and downs, I braved through them all.
I am not alone.
Never.
I know that because He spoke to me in my dreams.
It can never be so real.
But, it does.
I am happy that He did tell me.
Above all, I am glad He heard me.

Today, I am not sure if He ever forgive me.
I did terrible things within a few hours time.
A wave of anger swept through me like roaring thunder.
I shouted.
I cried.
I was angry with myself.
I was cursing myself.
I was pitying myself.
And the list went on.
Now, I am completely lost.
I felt stupid.

I am sorry...for all...

Spark of Hope

Today is like any other day.

Dark sky with heavy dark grey clouds.

Sun-less.

Dim.

I search for a spark of hope in between the clouds.

Anything spark of light.

That can be of guide to me.

Over and over again I asked Him

" Why am I here to go through this and not them? "

" Why me?! "

I could not get the answer I longed to hear.

Somehow, deep inside me I believe it has to do with my nature.

Something is so not right. 

Something is missing.