Fear Resurface

I have mixture of feelings today. My morning was greeted with heartbreaks. Later part of the day, a comment made by a male patient sunk deep into my thoughts.

It bothers me a couple of days and I could not get it off my mind that I approached the senior therapist. Then it comes into my realization that " Hello! Roslyn! As if you didn't know! You knew and what are these all about? "

Yes, I did read about my condition. Now that I am " repaired ", like what a friend said, God is giving me a second chance in life. I am grateful for this. I truly do. And this is why I did and will continue do all I can so that I would not have any regrets.

Words are so powerful that it can either bring one up or down. And I cannot believe that I was defeated with simply a line of sentence.

This Saturday, while most people be away for the long break, I will make a visit to the doctor's clinic to get myself inspected and obtain green light to go back to work next week. However, me being my own doctor and a patient, all at the same time, I think I am good to go back to work.

The boys in the office will definitely be glad to have me back. In a way, I do too. The idea of a messy desk, however, is less of the ideal picture. And yes, someone is going to get some serious lecture from me when it comes to tidiness. 

Family Photos

One for the Album

The Inconveniences

One thing about having to hold a pair of elbow clutches is that when it rain, you got to choose between walking in the rain or stay put in the car. And I choosed to stay in the car and... of course catch some sleep.

This is one of the inconveniences I faced. I have yet to take into count the inconveniences of :

1. Doing groceries shopping (which I did before with got the rehab centre's receptionist telling the therapists. Happened when I was in my 5th week of recovery)

2. Walking on wet surface (I almost slip and fell a couple times)

3. Carrying a bag (struggling to bring minimal stuffs)

4. Picking up things which are on the floor (it helps a lot when you have a flexible body unlike me. But, after countless times attempts of picking things up for myself, I think I am getting slightly flexible)

Lunch @ PJ Section 2

Be INSPIRED

I may not know where my destiny is. But, i do know my goal in what I am going through now.

Attending physiotherapy sessions are easy. Enduring the pain is a different set of story. Nothing compares to the day when the doctor told me to get off the bed for the very first time after the surgery. I can never forget the pain I endured. Only God knows. My cries were heard by Him. Honestly, I can never go through what I went through without Him.

The remaining process is to build back the strength and to constantly be inspired by things and people around me. I have quite a long journey for recovery. A long journey to sustain the recovery period. A very long journey to keep everything intact and working well.

As I am recovering, I wonder where my life is leading. I know all happened for a reason. I questioned things like what all this is actually about, my callings and stuffs. The list goes on.

Some people has been asking me how I can sustain or go through this. Seriously, prayers the answer. I pray and somehow I have the energy to go through all these. I am nothing without Him. Think I can go through this alone? No way.

I tried my level best to be inspired. Apart from the people around me and people I come to know along the course of recovery and pre surgery, I watch a lot of videos that are inspiring, to remind me that I need to press on and that I have to press on.

And the video like this one is one of them.

It Ain't Funny, Doc!

On 10th April, I did a follow-up with doctor. I was about to sit myself down on the bed for him to inspect my knees when he sat on the other side of his office and told me to walk without my elbow clutch.

My eyes the size of sesame seeds went bigger.

Doc : Don't tell me you didn't curi-curi walk without clutches before...

Me : ( still looking at him surprised ).. I...

Doc : Small steps. Don't tell me you didn't...

Me : Yes, I did but...

Doc : Good. I know one! So, now... walk for me! Do some catwalks. Three rounds. I want to see.

And I walked.

Doc : Eh! Why so fast?!

Me : Why?! Why?! Wrong? Am I doing this wrong?! ( panic stricken )

Doc : No (smiling). No... not wrong. Continue walking.

Me : ( in my mind was " Apalah! Buat suspend orang je ... )

Doc : You know what? You walked as though you just kena sunat. And only thing missing here is the sarong...

Me : ( This ain't fun I am tellig ya... ) Muscles still weak. What do you expect, doc? My knees can suddenly gaveway and I might end up in the OT...

Doc : ( still teasing me about the way I walked and told it to the nurse who was watching too )

Me : ( This ain't fun... ) I am serious, doc...

Doc : You're progressing and your right leg will be a strong leg like I told you before.

Me : You fixed me and you know better than I know my knees. So long I do my part (physiotherapy).

Doc : Okay. You can wear your shoes.

Me : ( Obviously he forgot the challenge he threw at me two weeks ago ) That's all?

Doc : Yes.

Me : ( Adjusting my seat next to him ) Obviously you forgot.

Doc : What did I forget?

Me : Wait. You'll see.

Doc : See what?

Me : You will see. Wait.

Doc : What is it?

Me : Patience, doc. Patience...( Still adjusting my seat )

Then I stood up from the chair without my hands supporting myself. Doctor went amazed. Took a seat back.

Doc : Do it again! (All excited)

Me : Haiya... Again...

And I did it again.

Doc : Great! In three weeks time, I want to see you stand on one leg and hold for a minute.

Me : Huh?! (Aiyooo... why la I reminded him of the challenge?!?!)

Doc : Yup.

Me : I regret of reminding you. Next time I won't.

Doc : Next time you won't need to cos I am writing this down.

Me : ( Me and my big mouth -__- )

First Time Driving After Surgery

Yeah! I am driving! I can drive!

Leaving Nursing Home for Home Soon

The therapists have given me the green light to drive. And that was last week with the condition of driving between 50 to 60 km per hour. City driving speed. And I have yet to drive my own car even when Julie drove my car yesterday. She did not allow it.

Today I got a double nod since therapists had upgraded the type of exercises. Doing well despite pain. There are some certain part of the thighs which are still in pain when contracted. But, hey! At least it is contracting better than weeks before.

I will be leaving the nursing home for home this weekend. Am certainly going to miss the folks here. Some of them may not remember me any more once i left. But, it does not matter. I do. And that all matters to me.

I have gained way lots of good experiences here in this nursing home. And it makes me realized that I need to do something about myself and my life. Things that I only know. Things that will make me see life in a very mature way. Things that really reflect life itself.

Truly grateful to be where I am now. This is where I stayed for the past 5 weeks.

Aftermath of Mini Roller

Ouch!

I underwent four hour long physiotherapy today. Tired as always. However, there are good results. No pain. No gain.

This is the aftermath of the mini roller.