I felt guilty. I thought I have plans for my future. Really I did. And when the time comes, as where I am now and that you are no longer by my side, I felt lost. I begin to question a lot of things in my life and even my existence.
Things that matters to me are no longer things I once thought it matters. Basically, it is like pieces of broken glasses. Transparent and empty. Not that it is not there. It is. The only thing is that it is transparent. I think you get what I mean. You know me the best...
I can deal with the fact I am where I am now. Though there are times where the most painful feeling; which was to see you in much pain and I could not do a thing to lighten your pain. The pictures are still in my head. It cemented so well that I find it something very scary to even think about.
The strength I gain from you was when I see you persevere to the very end of your breath. I lose you but I also gain you. You know well what I mean, Granny. It does not matter what the others will say. The only thing that matters to me is to earn my way to heaven and be with you again. That is all that matters.
For now, the only thing that really bothers me and also deter me from moving on with my life and my promise to you is the true meaning of life. I do not understand what life is. I feel empty without you. It seems my life is your life. And that is one set of life itself.
I miss you so much...
Missing you still,
Aby
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