Old Happy Memory I Jotted Down of Granny

I was going through my work desk which are always occupied by books, pencils, beads and papers, for a notebook which I remember I bought some one year ago. I never make good use of it.

Here is what I wrote in pencil :-

February 24th, 2013 ( Sunday )
Popo went to church for the second time; right after her first visit to FGA on the first day of Chinese New Year.

Praise the Lord! My Heavenly Father knows my heart desire and He heard my prayer!

May You, my dear Father in Heaven guide me to share the gospel with her!

I love you, Lord! Amen!

That was a wonderful feeling. And I wonder how can I ever forgotten this piece of important memory. I was truly glad that she came as it was not an easy task to persuade her to go to church with me.

Despite the stressful thought of single-handedly manning her myself and my car, I was still glad that she was willing to come. That was all I need and I can say the only feeling that kept me assured that someday she would be willing to be baptized.

I could have never gotten her baptized without Alice, Pastor Paul Cheong, Pastor Rose and Sister Mui Che of Grace Assembly Church. All of them are my angels and I can never ever imagine that God has sent them to me to save granny.

I am truly grateful... In so many ways, I do. I love you. Each and everyone of you.

My First Order After Granny's Passing

Customized order by Echo's friend

Somehow and someway I need to move on. Life just have to go on, isn't it?

Thank you to both Echo and her friend for being patient with me. Could not thank you enough. Customers like this that keeps you go on. And for that I am forever grateful to them.

I had posted up more photos of this bracelet which customized specially for a special girl out there. You got good friends, young lady :)

Facebook :  My Beads and Charms Closet @ Facebook
Blog :  My Beads and Charms Closet @ Wordpress

Do Your Work Well and Don’t Compare

The thought if I ever do a good like with things I am passionate about has always hit my mind. Say for example, I was browsing through the web and saw this artist did such marvellous job. Looking into his or her profile, I found out that he/she was the same age as I do.

I went all envious and also dive into self pitying. Not a feeling or attitude to have. Attitude and feelings like this will eventually eat you up. And so I learn. Rick Warren shared in today's lesson today. And according to his sharing, there are TWO reasons why you should not compare :-

1. There is always someone better than you. And with this you are likely to be discouraged.
2. There is always someone who is not as good as you. And the result is that you will end up being prideful.

In life, I learned that being the best of what you do is a good thing. But, always remember, the gift or gifts we have does not belong to us. It belongs to Him and we, as His children, we are to glorify Him with our gift(s).

Honour him by returning the gift(s) we have by blessing others who need our help.

“Do your own work well, and then you will have something to be proud of.
But don’t compare yourself with others.” (Galatians 6:4 CEV)

Old Photo of Granny no. 1

An old photo I found on granny

While tidying up the store room today, I found an old photo of granny...

Letter to Granny. no. 4

Dear Granny,

All I have to say...I miss you badly...

At times I wished you were here. The last 2 to 3 years, we both knew it was not easy. I was mad at you for a lot of things which I could not even tolerate when I should and at times, troubled me.

I did worry about you. All the while, I did. I told my friends of how I looked at things and how I wished I could this and that. The list can go on. But, it all summed up to one thing - I just want you to stay healthy.

The last thing I ever wanted is to see you suffer. Little did I know, you were suffering badly and I could not do much. Your stubborn-ness really drove me above the wall. Many times, I told myself that I did not want to be like you when I get old. Truth is, I am becoming more like you. I inherit some traits of which I really dislike that you had - being really strong headed.

Looking back, now, at present, it is not a terrible trait. It is really how one perceive it. And for me, I just miss those times we had arguing over petty things.

I miss you so much and no words can ever explain.

Till we meet in Heaven, Granny...

Love you, 

ABY

Paul Wilbur's Concert & Sunday Service

Sunday service on May 11th, 2014 at Grace Assembly, Petaling Jaya

Thanks to Alice!

Letter to Granny no. 3

Forever in loving memory - Loh Yet Wah

Dear Granny,

Today is a public holiday. I have done with some minor chores and even lunch. Had this wonderfully delicious Sibu instant Kampua brought by a loving friend from Sibu. The young chap is such a wonderful fella that you cannot resist talking to. Has such a wonderful soul in him.

Like every other public holiday or weekend, in the morning, I made my way for breakfast. We used to hang about in the village where I grew up. So many things have changed and more development coming under way. I personally do not like the new developed look. 

Remember the time you fell off the bicycle one fine afternoon after coming home from the sundry shop? You were angry. And the young me, being rebellious, answered that it was not my fault. Which is true and you knew that and that was why you did not scold me further. Or else, I would have been scolded. You would never punish me, that is for sure ( smiling ).

The house we used to stay ( where you fell off the bicycle ) is now turned to an internet cafe. I showed you before while we drove by. I do not know if you recognized it. But, yes. All are memories now. The orange gate is now painted in red ( like I showed you ).

I wished I had the money to buy that house. So much wonderful memories we had. Good ones.

Love you and missing you much always and forever.

Love,

Aby

God Gives You Abilities to Help Others

I just got myself to subscribe to Rick Warren's Daily Hope. Today's e-mail comes in at a time where I think it is most suitable. And I am glad, despite my utmost sleepiness, I still will want to read. As all my Sisters told me, I should have a hunger towards God's words. And I shall cultivate the hunger for it always.

I always question my abilities. Most of the time, hesitation takes over me and I was living in a time where I did not know myself and what I am able to do. Not just for myself. No longer is the priority. It is more of what I can do for others with the best of my abilities.

Rick's message today has three questions which he encouraged me to think and if possible I will really want to talk this over with a much matured Brother or Sister :-

• How are you using your God-given abilities to help others?
• What is God calling you to do that you’ve thought you were not qualified to do?
• How can you encourage other people in your small group, church, or community of believers to serve in ministry?

At some point, I know answers to all three questions.

“Now you belong to him who was raised from death in order that we might be useful in the service of God.” (Romans 7:4b TEV)

Letter to Granny no. 2

Dear Granny,

I got myself caught in heavy rain this evening. Been raining heavily for the past one month or so. But, this is a blessing compare to the past two months where there was water rationing.

SYABAS may resume to water rationing if the water level in the dam went to critical condition in a couple of weeks. The hot season will come the way next month. Will not be pleasant for everyone in the city.

If you were here, you would be complaining of the unbearable heat. I Although doing laundry is no longer a concern for me compare to when you were around, I still find comfort in washing your cardigans, which you never like to wear. I treasure those cardigans as they are really vintage pieces and I grow to love vintage clothes and also furniture as well as decors.

Yes, like Mummy and yourself ( as much as you did not like it ), I also inherit the one thing which Papa finds it a tremendous headache - hoarding. Believe it or not, I kind of like the idea of it. 

Good night, Granny.

P/S : Granny, I like this photo of your's. You looked adorable.

Love you always,

Aby

Letter to Granny

Dear Granny, 

I am home late again like when you were around. It is almost 3 months that you went to Heaven. And I am still adapting to this life without you. The first few weeks were tough. I have to struggle with my own emotional feeling, knowing that you will never return again.

I wish I could turn back time. Turned it back and spend more time with you. Get back from work early and spend time with you. But, I did not. I could not stand the stresses that came along in looking after you. I spent longer hours in office, escaping from you. Cruel indeed. 

When I was in office, I could only think about you. Despite my colleague's advice, urging me to get home and spend time with you, I had never listened.

How much I regret not spending time with you... I could never understand you and it dawn to me that I did not even understand myself neither at that point of time. To think about it further, I think I was very selfish.

I wish... I could turn back time...

I make a point to write letters to you. Letting you know how I am doing. Crazy as it may sound. I believe the angels will translate the letters I am about to write to you in Cantonese.

Remember that you said to me in the hospital that I need to live and behave well when you are no longer around? I will. For you, for God and for myself, I will. 

I wonder if you have met Mummy now. How is she doing? I wished I can hear you. Or maybe meet you and Mummy in my dreams someday. I used to dream of Mummy every now and then. Sometimes I remember my dreams and sometimes I do not. 

Strange, I never dream of you...yet. I do hope to see you in my dreams. A friend told me that when I am very assured of your place in Heaven, I shall not dream of you. 

Those that have dreams mean that the family member who is left behind wants an assurance for their loved ones who has passed on to have a place in Heaven.

I am assured that you are in Heaven. For me, to meet you in my dreams is like having that one split moment of when you were alive and I came come to see you there in the living room to welcome me home; like you always did.

I miss you, granny... I shall write to you again. Take care.

              Love you always,

Aby

The Piano & The Ballerina

A Scene from The Piano & The Ballerina from Samuel Curtis on Vimeo.

The Two Yellow Flowers

I never come along in tidying up the store room for almost 3 months. The idea of it really frightens me as I do not want to end up crying while tidying up. At the same time, the idea of having dad to tidy it up is also tough as I do not want him to throw away granny's belongings.

And so I told him that I will do the cleaning up. I bought two large yellow flowers which I have no idea that it is. It looks really beautiful to be placed next to granny's portraiture.

As a kid, I never came to understand why ladies love flowers so much. Now I do. Maybe I have a personal reason of my own of which differs to others. Mine, solely because I love the liveliness it brings to the atmosphere around me. The rest may likely be the beauty and also feminism it brings.

Whatever the reason it might be, I love to have some liveliness in the living room.. I need it.

Wise Words from Granny

A-Model Romance from ora on Vimeo.

The weekend passes by quietly. Another 11 days, it will be the third month where granny has left me for heaven. 

I looked back at a lot of memories I had with granny. Many. There is not a day that passes by that I never think about her. At one point of a time, I completely forgot that she is not around any more and all I wanted to tell her when I got back from work was that I brought home some chocolates.

And whenever I miss her, I will buy myself a McDonald's strawberry sundae to eat. That was her favourite. Whenever I need a quick fix of my emotion, I will get the strawberry sundae. I remembered the time when I was so emotionally down that I walked to McDonald during office hour, to nurse my broken heart.

Whenever I get upset about the people who disrespect me at work, I will always think about her comforting words " You have done the best of your ability. Words won't kill you, ".

Wise words from her always ringing in my head. Wise, wise advice you gave me, granny. Love you.

Packing Granny's Clothes

It was a moment I know it will be an emotional one - packing up granny's clothes in the red suitcase which I used to packed her clothes to the hospital. I cried as I fold her clothes and snugged it nicely into the suitcase.

The heart pain was beyond words could described. A feeling that I cannot even comprehend.

Her Voice, Her Skin & Her Eyes

One of the loving moments I had with Granny

It is almost 7 weeks...2 months to be precise, since Granny's passing. There are tears. Wonderful memories. I still can remember how she sounds like when she talked. How her skin felt...

A friend told me that as time passes, most of us will forget how our loved ones sound like, skin felt like and even how their eyes looked like. And honestly, those words kills me slowly...

I know that even before she told me. Reason being, I can not recall my childhood memories I have with her...And it breaks my heart...entirely...

Missing Granny Dearly

Photo taken on January 11th, 2014 ( a month before her passing )

There is not a day that passes by that I never think about you...

I Miss So Much, Granny...

My granny & I

Loh Yet Wah, my granny, passed away peacefully on February 11th, 2014.

Looking Back

As the year 2013 draws to an end in 1 1/2 day time, I reflect on all the things that had happened.
Ups and downs, I braved through them all.
I am not alone.
Never.
I know that because He spoke to me in my dreams.
It can never be so real.
But, it does.
I am happy that He did tell me.
Above all, I am glad He heard me.

Today, I am not sure if He ever forgive me.
I did terrible things within a few hours time.
A wave of anger swept through me like roaring thunder.
I shouted.
I cried.
I was angry with myself.
I was cursing myself.
I was pitying myself.
And the list went on.
Now, I am completely lost.
I felt stupid.

I am sorry...for all...

Spark of Hope

Today is like any other day.

Dark sky with heavy dark grey clouds.

Sun-less.

Dim.

I search for a spark of hope in between the clouds.

Anything spark of light.

That can be of guide to me.

Over and over again I asked Him

" Why am I here to go through this and not them? "

" Why me?! "

I could not get the answer I longed to hear.

Somehow, deep inside me I believe it has to do with my nature.

Something is so not right. 

Something is missing.

Happening Month of September

What can I possibly say? It has been a streak of unfortunate events within this year alone that got me sum everything up in an initial of 3 alphabets - O.M.G. I cannot think of anyone that I know can be as... dramatic ( I am trying my level best to put in the right word here ).

Photo by Roslyn Nelson

On the eve of Malaysia Day, which is the night where I attended Rev Philip Mantofa's sermon at Calvary Convention Centre. Some 6 to 7 km away from the convention centre, I met with a car accident where my car was hit by an airport cab, from behind.

" ... It's a new car... It's a new car... " I repeated the sentence in half breath. That was all I could utter. The Indian man and its Indian female companion kept on uttering words in Indian language which I cannot understand. To sum it all up, 7:29 p.m. on September 15th, 2013 has thought me something.

It shaken my thoughts. Got me thinking. There are so many things I need to do. So many things I have not said. Right words. It is just so many undone business. Though the accident  seems like any other car accidents which you have witnessed before, to me, it is different. 

I could have been hit a car or I could have hit a motorcyclist which came from my right. Either way, it would be a bad ending to any party. A very bad one. 

As the entire ordeal done, with my car in the workshop, I did what I thought I should do. 

" I cannot miss this one out, " I said to myself. I made that one call to that one person. The rest as they say, it is history.

More to come and more to do. But, heck, I am not alone. And I know that now.