Letter to Granny

Dear Granny, 

I am home late again like when you were around. It is almost 3 months that you went to Heaven. And I am still adapting to this life without you. The first few weeks were tough. I have to struggle with my own emotional feeling, knowing that you will never return again.

I wish I could turn back time. Turned it back and spend more time with you. Get back from work early and spend time with you. But, I did not. I could not stand the stresses that came along in looking after you. I spent longer hours in office, escaping from you. Cruel indeed. 

When I was in office, I could only think about you. Despite my colleague's advice, urging me to get home and spend time with you, I had never listened.

How much I regret not spending time with you... I could never understand you and it dawn to me that I did not even understand myself neither at that point of time. To think about it further, I think I was very selfish.

I wish... I could turn back time...

I make a point to write letters to you. Letting you know how I am doing. Crazy as it may sound. I believe the angels will translate the letters I am about to write to you in Cantonese.

Remember that you said to me in the hospital that I need to live and behave well when you are no longer around? I will. For you, for God and for myself, I will. 

I wonder if you have met Mummy now. How is she doing? I wished I can hear you. Or maybe meet you and Mummy in my dreams someday. I used to dream of Mummy every now and then. Sometimes I remember my dreams and sometimes I do not. 

Strange, I never dream of you...yet. I do hope to see you in my dreams. A friend told me that when I am very assured of your place in Heaven, I shall not dream of you. 

Those that have dreams mean that the family member who is left behind wants an assurance for their loved ones who has passed on to have a place in Heaven.

I am assured that you are in Heaven. For me, to meet you in my dreams is like having that one split moment of when you were alive and I came come to see you there in the living room to welcome me home; like you always did.

I miss you, granny... I shall write to you again. Take care.

              Love you always,

Aby